A Southern Girl's Guide to City Livin'

So I took a leap of faith in February when I left everything and everyone I knew and moved to the big city. While many of you might say DC isn't that big of a city in comparison to New York, LA or Sydney, for a girl raised in rural North Alabama where it was a common occurrence to see people barefoot in the grocery store and various farming vehicles on Main Street it was a big change to say the very least.

As I was lying by the pool this afternoon I realized that I'm almost at the six month mark now. In these six months, DC and I have developed a love/hate relationship. So, I feel it's fitting to reflect on the lessons this city has taught me or is still trying to teach me. There are a few I refuse to accept. I knew that city living would be an adjustment. But there are things that I feel someone should have warned me about. For example, how am I supposed to know that you can only turn left onto Wisconsin Ave. at certain times of the day? This list is in no particular order, except maybe the order in which they floated into my brain.

1. Everything is more difficult. Deal with it. Whining about it or saying, "Well, back home it was like this..." doesn't make it any easier.

2. Parallel parking skills are a MUST. And, it's perfectly acceptable to "bump" another car while practicing (or if you just really want the spot, and it's a tight squeeze).

3. There is no Wal-Mart. Yes, you must make separate trips to the grocery store, the hardware store, The Container Store and CVS. If these places don't have what you're looking for, then I'm not really sure where to tell you to go. I'm still looking for poker cards.

4. Telling people that you used to shop at Wal-Mart will result in evil glares for one of two reasons: (a) Wal-Mart is where the let's just say "less than upper class" shop. Well, I guess I'm one of them. Why would I want to pay $12 for a box of Tide, when I can get it for $6 at Wal-Mart? or (b) it is the downfall of America because they don't allow workers to unionize, don't have decent benefits for their employees and crush the Mom and Pop stores in every community they enter. Reason B I can get behind. Wal-Mart is for me what a cigarette is for a smoker. I know it's bad, but I need it.

5. Homeless people are not nice. The vast majority of attempts I and my colleagues and friends have made to take a sandwich or a bottle of water to a homeless person on a hot summer day have ended badly. One of my friends even had the bottle of Dasani thrown back at her.

6. Everyone will comment on your accent, even if theirs is much worse. Most people will think it's cute and sweet. Others think you are innocent and unassuming. A few people will think you are slow. The upside is most guys begin drooling as soon as you open your mouth. The reason baffles me, but I'll take it.

7. Public transportation is a necessary evil. You must get to the bus stop and wait for a bus that may come in two minutes or 20. If you wait 20 minutes on this bus, inevitably three will arrive at once. Plan accordingly.

8. Keep a pair of flip flops on you at all times. I have a pair at work, in my purse, in my gym bag and multiple pairs in my apartment. You never know when you will have to walk several city blocks on a moment's notice.

9. Parking lots do not exist. Don't assume if you drive around long enough, you will find one. It won't happen. If by some miracle you do, you will pay a pretty penny to park there. See #2 and park on the street.

10. There is no such thing as sweet tea here. Maybe you can get iced tea, but you'll have to add the sweetener. Learn to make your own, then have your non-Southern friends try it. They will fall in love with it and beg you to make it often.

11. While we're on food...there are all ethnicities of foods here. This is a good thing. However, the Ethiopians will not offer eating utensils or individual plates. You will be expected to eat with your hands from the same plate as everyone else, regardless of the fact that you all just got off the germ-ridden metrobus. Do not scowl.

12. Save quarters. If your parents ask if you need anything, always ask for quarters. You will need them for laundry, the bus and parking.

13. Don't try to talk to everyone on the bus, metro, cab, etc. It's odd for us Southerners to be sitting so close to someone and not strike up a conversation. People from other parts of the world aren't interested in small talk, so don't try. Again, the reason baffles me.

14. Homeless people talk to themselves. You will feel compelled to respond. Don't.

15. People will often tell you that DC is considered the South. Just be prepared for it. Clearly they have never been farther South.

16. You must put clothes on over your bathing suit when walking from the pool to your car. Back home, this wasn't necessary, but now that your car is parked several city blocks away in trendy Georgetown, it's a good idea to get dressed. Otherwise, people will stare, whisper and point.

17. Traffic lights are on the side of the street, not hanging over the intersection. Watch for them. I ran several lights and if not for the grace of God I would have been a pancake my first week here.

18. People will honk at you. Don't take it personally. They're just in a hurry and you are in their way.

19. This city is full of circles. I can't really explain how to drive in them because I still try to find routes around them. Dupont Circle is only for experienced city drivers - especially during rush hour.

20. The city is loud 24 hours a day. You will eventually learn how to sleep through it, but you may require an extra alarm clock to get you out of bed on time once you do.

21. There is amazing shopping in the city. This is great if you have the budget to support it. On the other hand, because you have access to this type of shopping, it's almost like it's not allowed to wear a t-shirt and gym shorts anywhere but inside your apartment - not even to the grocery store.

22. People will not understand Southern sayings, but they will think they are hilarious. For example, saying someone was "cussed like a yard dog" will stop a conversation. It will take the non-Southerners a few moments to figure out what you just said before the room erupts in laughter.

23. Fast food is hard to find and there is no such thing as a drive-thru. This is a good thing for the most part, but after a night on the town, sometimes all you want are greasy french fries and a Coke.

24. If you say you want a Coke, that is what you will get. Friends grabbing a drink for you from the fridge will not follow up with the question, "what kind?" To them, the general term is either "soda" or "pop". Remember to ask for Sprite the first time if that's really what you want.

25. Call home and talk to your family and friends often. They will bring you back to sanity when you feel like you're losing it. You should also visit home as often as possible.

I'm sure I have many more lessons to learn about city living, but this is all I have for now. Stay tuned and I'll post more lessons as they are revealed to me.

On a side note, I got stuck in the bathroom at GAP on Friday night. What did the world do before cell phones?